The Final Countdown

First Published: 17 January 2006

The public outcry following November's cancellation of Fox's Emmy-winning sitcom Arrested Development was certainly more than muted. Still, unlike the furor of tens of millions of voices that followed the end of Seinfeld, a show about nothing, the passing of Arrested, a show that's really something, seems to have made only critics and the dozens of fanatics irate. Strangely, Fox's move comes at a time when our present protagonist program is the top-rated comedy on TV.com, while the aforementioned immaterial show holds the seventh spot.

So why did FOX decide to scrap a program that garnered them six Emmys and has the unabashed admiration of America's top critics? According to some commentators, the show's self-referential humour and its upper-class characters make it difficult for audiences to relate. And the absence of a laugh track has been claimed to alienate viewers who are unable to make the decision to laugh on their own. But, it's precisely the show's quick pace and innumerable in-jokes that make it simultaneously ill-suited for a laugh track as well as brilliant.

The simple reason Fox is dropping the show is that while Arrested captured an average of only five-million viewers this season, another Fox show set in Orange County, The O.C., brought in more than double that amount. Considering that Fox is preeminently advertising-oriented, it is perhaps understandable that the network would desire to dissociate itself from any programming that would endanger its cash flow. But this decision leaves its programming a veritable Aztec tomb of weak plots, romantic melodramas and reality caricatures.

So Fox's motivations are economic, but that still begs the question: Why, if AD is so brilliant, did it fail in the ratings game? Therein lies the rub. According to Alia Shawkat, who plays Maeby Fünke, the show is too brilliant. In an interview, she relates an instance in which the show's creator, Mitch Hurwitz, fumed after a meeting during which he was told to make the show "simpler." Indeed, she says, Fox was so sure that their audience would not watch the show that they didn't even advertise it, effectively rendering it dead as a dove. While L.A. is littered with billboards for The O.C. and Prison Break, there are none for Arrested. Even the Fox lot bears no marker of this magic show.

Perhaps Fox is underestimating its audience. But, then again, perhaps it isn't. Considering the popularity of shows with unashamedly unrealistic plot lines, like CSI and sitcoms that thrive on strategically timed laughs and plotlines centred around misunderstood situations, maybe there is little space on network television for a program whose genius is its multi-layered complexity.

What this really speaks of is a society with a generally low level of tolerance for intelligence and a generally high level of physical and intellectual laziness. This malaise is perpetuated by a media that, instead of raising the proverbial bar, stifles room for intellectual growth by pandering to an unthinking couch culture. The upshot here is a society that becomes increasingly satisfied with uninspired thought and rehashed ideas, the result of which is stagnation. By cancelling programming that promotes the movement of neurons, the networks, and indeed, society at large, will find inevitably that they've made a huge mistake.

Obviously, television programming is not the prime mover of society's advancement, but considering the pervasiveness of television culture, its influence cannot be understated. Certainly, the motor of today's world is economics. But without the socially responsible investment in education by all sectors of society, including television networks, we as a society will find quickly that we don't have a banana to stand on.

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Pirates of the Academy

First Published: 4 April 2006

The end of the year marks the time to set sail and move to greener pastures. However, for many this time is marred and scarred by exams, papers, and other inconveniences. They will ponder - is the proverbial juice worth the squeeze?

When push comes to shove, many will answer in the negative and, in order to get done what needs to get done, they will consider "piracy," the act of copying someone else's work. Beyond its recent glorification by Natalie Portman on SNL ("When I was in Harvard…I cheated every test"), piracy is a mainstay of our world: In fact, it's "tradition" - the habit of doing what people before us have done.

Piracy is in our blood. From the first, we are taught sternly not to go against the grain or go out on a limb, lest the bough break. We are bred from birth, in the tradition of the gingerbread man, to be cookie-cutter conformists. We are taught to repeat blindly the teachings of Plato or Madonna.

Famously, our papers and exams are not required to display any original thinking. Indeed, it is preferred that submitted work be mundane, repetitive and imitate the ideas in the source material, so that markers will not have a tough time doing their jobs. Well, if it's control they want, give it to them: "CTRL+C" and "CTRL+V."

Let’s beat around this bush for a moment: Today's most popular form of television, "reality TV," is a rip-off of real life. Even our legal system, based on precedents, has us copy what people before us have decided to do. And people who consider themselves different by wearing clothes that are either "funky" or "grungy" are, just like everyone else, copying an already well-established look. Yes, of course, these arguments have been made before, but I'm not ashamed of using them myself.

Stealing isn't wrong; it's a right. Everything we are comes from elsewhere: We don't conceive of our own values, perceptions or notions, but we still call them our own. And why not re-use ideas - that would be environmentally friendly, after all. Let's be honest and call this spade exactly what it is: We are all pirates.

We're all on the same ship, so instead of acting as sour as green apples, let's revel in what we really are. Don't be a closet pirate: celebrate. Wear it on your sleeve; if you don't have one, take someone else's. Let's have a Pirate Pride Parade. Sure, the outfits would look almost exactly like those worn in the gay pride parade, but that sort of imitation only punctuates the core message of Pirate Pride. Montreal may very well be the perfect place for this sort of celebration-in addition to having loads of parade paraphernalia ripe for stealing, Quebeckers sound like pirates, anyway.

In the final analysis, piracy, as the act of imitating others, is not only acceptable; it is the norm. Originality is not considered to be that grand nowadays: For example, being anti-establishment (like the fare of most of my columns) is cool not because it's subversive, but because everybody's doing it. There is safety in copying the ways of our predecessors, says traditional wisdom: After all, if one does not change horses in midstream, then one is not forced to make the choice to sink or swim. So let's not waste time with originality - close your eyes, put on two eye-patches, do what you're told and go seek your treasure.

Speaking of booty - enjoy your summer. Arrrr.

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